so, there's that.

This morning, 

I woke up early to get ready for 

my best friend's wedding,

and of course,

I woke up too early.

So, I got on my computer

and was about to do some research,

and instead decided to write a post.

Last week,

I went to the doctor because I had

pink eye.

(jealous? I knoooooow. Sexxxy!)

I also decided to get some blood work done,

because like I said in a previous blog post,

after I split from my ex back in September,

I lost 25lbs in less than 2 months.

And since then, I've experienced some 

odd symptoms like..

Frequent muscle cramps

Hands and feet falling asleep

And my teeth started hurting about 2 months ago..

So, I wanted to get it all checked out.

Maybe I had a vitamin deficiency, 

since I know I hadn't been taking care of myself

in terms of diet and lifestyle.

Let's just say there has been a lot of 

Take Out and Late Nights.

Or maybe something else was going on.

All I knew was that I wasn't feeling 100%

and I wanted to find out why.

So, on Tuesday, I got my test results back.

All vitamin/mineral levels were within the normal range

which was surprising and reassuring.

But, then I saw the results for my kidney function,

and according to the test, 

I have a low functioning kidney.

What does that mean exactly?

Welllllp... I am not entirely sure yet.

The nurse told me to hydrate as much as possible

and to get retested in a month.

But, of course..

like any hot blooded human..

I went on the internet and did my own research,

and apparently there are 5 stages in Kidney Disease. 

There is a scale of 1-100 that they use to rate how well your kidney is functioning.

60-100 being what most healthy people fall into.

I found myself at 51.

Then they clump the numbers on that scale

into stages of kidney disease to help explain the findings even more.

Stage 1 being what healthy peeps be in.

Stage 5 being what kidney failure be 'bout.

And, Stage 3 being where I find myself...

So.. I find myself in the middle.

And at a loss on what I can do,

if anything,

to improve my kidney function.

It's kind of scary,

but it's not the possibility of losing my kidney that scares me.

(If that bitch wanna reject me, I fucking reject it!)

What is scary to me is 

being in physical pain or dependent upon medicine/treatment 

for the rest of my life.

What is scary to me is that my low kidney function

may be making the rest of my body unhealthy,

because it can't get the toxins out of my blood and because

it is pulling calcium out of my bones

because there is too little in my blood, 

making my teeth hurt,

and worse, my bones weak.

I am not sad that I have to give up

certain foods, drinks or lifestyles, because I've known

I drink too much caffeine, and I know that 

there is too much sugar and fat in my diet,

and I know that even though it is fun in the moment to have all those 

shots,

the moment is fleeting and the days after are brutal.

So, there's that.

I'm trying to do my best not to 

freak myself out

with all the possibilities of what this diagnosis may mean.

But if you knew me,

you know I am just spinning with

worst case scenarios!

I'm wondering

"What did I do to cause this to happen?? 

Was it that weekend I went camping and

did shrooms, 

smoked weed,

then competed in a drinking contest

with a guy 50lbs heavier than me?? 

Or was it a result of my love for 

cured meats, hard cheese,

dark chocolates and sparkly booze??"

 I'm thinking about how 

my generation relies so heavily on drinking as 

a way to socialize and gather with one another...

Is it going to be difficult to find my

place if I don't drink?

And I try to picture how life would be 

without a kidney. 

Normal? 

Yeah... probably...

possibly?

Despite having a real tenacity of making myself worry...

I do have a lot of hope.

I know I will be OK.

I may have some adjustments that will be permanent

and I may have to make some sacrifices

in terms of lifestyle 

or maybe even in the form of a kidney.

I'm hoping that my other kidney is 

rocking the party that rocks the body.

I'll update once I know more.

But that is all for now.

Sorry for the solemn, serious post.

It's just on my mind and this is my forum for 

unloading.

Love,

liz xo